abeo Richard's Jokes

English Jokes

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A husband went down to breakfast one morning and found his blonde wife staring fixedly at a carton of orange juice. "What on earth are you doing?" he asked.
"Following the instructions" she replied, "It says concentrate."
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There are many clever men who are married to dumb women, but there are few clever women who are married to dumb men.Jest sporo inteligetnych mezczyzn, ktorzy wzieli sobie za zony niezbyt madre kobiety, ale jest rowniez kilka inteligetnych kobiet, ktore wziely sobie za mezow durnowatych facetow



Dzieki dla Joszko Broda
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he answered looking offended. He finished his coffee and then left for his office.

At 9:00 a.m., the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box of a dozen red roses. At 10:00 a.m., a beautifully wrapped box of her favorite chocolates was delivered. Later, at 11.00 a.m. an expensive designer dress. arrived from a local boutique

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. As soon as he walked through the door, she threw her arms round him and kissed him.

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she said, "I`ve never had such a wonderful April 1st in my life!
Rano, przy sniadaniu, kobieta mowi do meza: "Na pewno nie wiesz, co dzisiaj za dzien".

"Oczywiscie, ze wiem" z udawanym urazeniem odpowiedziaĹl maz, po czym skonczyl swoja kawe i wyszedl do pracy.

O 9 rano zabrzmial dzwonek u drzwi i kiedy kobieta otworzyla drzwi zostalo jej doreczone 12 czerwonych roz. O 10 dostarczono jej elegancko zapakowane pudelko jej ulubionych czekoladek. Okolo 11 dostarczono z butiku ekskluzywna sukienke od znanego projektanta.

Kobieta nie mogla doczekac sie powrotu meza pracy. Kiedy tylko pojawil sie w progu, rzucila sie mu ma szyje i pocalowala go.

"Najpierw kwiaty, potem czekoladki i ta sukienka! Nigdy nie przydarzyl mi sie tak wspanialy Prima Aprilis!"


Dzieki dla Zielone Oczy
The Priest asked little Johnny, "Do you say your prayers before eating dinner?"
"No Father," replied Johnny, "I don't have to. My mum is a good cook!"
Ksiadz spytal Jasia: "Czy odmawiasz modlitwe przed zjedzeniem obiadu?".
"Nie, prosze ksiedza" - odpowiedzial Jas. "Nie musze. Moja mama jest dobra kucharka."


Djeiki dla Karola
A young man asked God how long a million years was to him. God replied, "A million years to me is just like one second in your time."

Then the young man asked God what a million dollars was to him. God replied, "A million dollars to me is just like a single penny to you."

Then the young man asked: "God, could I have one of your pennies?"

God looked down and smiled, "Of course you can" he said, "Wait a second."
Mlody czlowiek zapytal Boga ile to dla niego milion lat.
Bog odpowiedzial: "Milion waszych lat to dla mnie jedna sekunda."
Pozniej czlowiek zapytal Boga ile to dla niego milion zlotych.
Bog odpowiedzial: "Milion waszych zlotych to dla mnie jeden grosz."
Mlody czlowiek zapytal znowu: "Boze, czy moglbym dostac jeden z twoich groszy?"
Bog odpowiedzial: "Alez oczywiscie, zaczekaj sekunde."


Dzieki dla Vobbo
A Russian girl, an American girl, and a Blonde Australian girl were talking one day.

The Russian girl said, 'We were the first in space!"

The American girl said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We`re going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You`ll burn up!" said the Russian girl.

"We`re not stupid, you know." replied the blonde, "We`re going at night!"
Pewnego dnia rozmawialy ze soba Rosjanka, Amerykanka oraz blondynka z Australii.
Rosjanka powiedziala: "My Rosjanie bylismy pierwsi na ksiezycu!"
Amerykanka powiedziala: "My Amerykanie bylismy pierwsi na ksiezycu!"
Blondynka na to:"A my Australijczycy bedziemy pierwsi na sloncu!"
Rosjanka i Amerykanka spojrzaly na siebie i zaczely sie smiac.
"Nie mozna wyladowac na sloncu idiotko, spalicie sie!-powiedziala Rosjanka.
"My Australijczycy nie jestesmy tacy glupi"-powiedziala blondynka-"Polecimy w nocy!"

Dzieki dla Vobbo
America is the only country in the World where a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.Ameryka jest jedynym krajem na swiecie, w ktorym pizza przyjezdza to twojego domu szybciej niz pogotowie.


Dziekuje dla Julita. Dzieki takze Kasia i Vobbo
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their poise, their calm," said the Englishman. "They must be English."

"Nonsense," said the Frenchman. "They are naked and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian said. "They have only an apple to eat and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Anglik, Francuz i Rosjanin ogladaja obraz przedstawiajacy Adama i Ewe w Raju.
"Spojrzcie na nich, te opanowanie i spokoj", powiedzial Anglik. "To musza byc Anglicy".
"Bzdura", odpowiedzial Francuz. "Sa nadzy i piekni. To na pewno Francuzi".
"Ani ubrania, ani dachu nad glowa," mowi Rosjanin. "Do jedzenia maja tylko jablka i wmawia im sie, ze to Raj. To Rosjanie."

Dzieki dla Zielone Oczy
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